SueStock 2004: return of the Windbreaker
by FreakyKat
Summary: Spin of fo Marry-Sue mockfest:2003 What happens when the pissed of goddess of Mary-Sues turns on the one who made her? Well, we'll just find out won't we?
1. Return of the Windbreaker

Hey all! This is my spin off of MarySue MockFest2003. I call it. SueStock 2004: return of the Windbreaker. I'm not very good at this whole thing so just give me a break. This is also a tribute to Platy, well kind of if you consider being turned in to a Sue by your one creation a tribute then, hey it's a good thing! Now time for the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I own every thing! Except, Platy, any thing made by Platy or by anther spin-off-er or characters not made up by me. So basically I own nothing.

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(No that is not a really long swear word it's just kick @$$!)

Celestina Windbreaker sat in her room. This Platy girl had messed up every thing. First she exposed her evil planes, then she made a mockery of her. not only that but she had a made a trend out of it. Well she'd show her now won't she. Oh yes she would. And she had the perfect idea to. She let out the evilest mad scientist laugh ever laughed in the history of mad scientist laughs, which for the record is very, very big. 

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        Platy sat in her room flipping through a the new Seventeen magazine (I don't own that either) look for the horoscopes. 

        "Hmmmm, a plot from the past will bring bad luck, don't start what you can't finish. Lucky number: 13. Luv match: Aries." She put the magazine down and looked around, suddenly she new she wasn't alone, and that who ever did the horoscopes probably didn't have a clue what she was talking about, her boy friend was a Sagittarius. Then she heard a evil laugh that sound like some one was hacking on a fishbone. 

        "So you though you were just going to make me the laughing stock of all the goddesses by writhing you silly little story. Well I'll let you know, that's not how it works. I make the stories, I make the plots, and I make the Sue's. Now you will pay." Platy turned around to find a women standing by her door that looked kind of familiar. '

        "Do I know you?" She asked as she tilted her head to one side. 

        "Hmp, you don't ever recognize your one creation, do you? I am Celestina Windbreaker." Celestina said with a tone in her voice that wasn't pride but could have been mistake for it.

        Platy blinked "Right, and I'm Beyoncé. But you don't see me busting in to peoples dorm rooms. Now do you." Celestina sighed then with a snap she was gone, a moment latter so was Platy.

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        When platy woke up she was laying on the floor of Celestina room. She got up and looked around, it looked just like she had wrote it to. 

        "Ah your up, good now I can send to your punishment." Platy turned around. Celestina was setting in her throne smiling, which was kind off but then so was every thing else so far. \

        "How are you real? I mean if I made you up then how is any of this real any way." Play asked trying to get some answers or piss her off. Celestina laugh her fish bone laugh again. 

        "You posted in FanFiction.com, that entire site is a link to the paranormal. Where nothing is real, and anything is possible.'

        "Isn't that from the Labyrinth?" Platy asked

        Celestina shrugged, "Sort of, I think it says some thing a little different, but I haven't done a Sue there for a while," Celestina squealed "Oh, I just had a brilliant idea, let us begin!" She cried in pure bliss. Then with a snap Platy was gone.

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        Play opened one eye to see a tree. She opened the other eye and the tree moved to the left. She closed the other eye and it moved to the right. She smiled she loved doing that. She opened both her eyes and the tree stayed still. 

        "Beyonhilaritneyessica! Where are you! Your going to miss the council!" A voice called form some where. Platy sat up with a shot. Her eyes started watering and her breath quickened.

        "She wouldn't dare." She said under her breath.

        "Ah, Beyonhilaritneyessica there you are dear daughter, we have been looking for you, come you will miss the council."  She turned around and saw Elrond. Platy let out the most ear splitting bloody murder scream ever in the history of ear splitting AND bloody murder scream history ever.

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       So how do you like the first chapter? If yo0ur wondering why its' in misc. it's because Platy gets sent to different stories and stuff instead of just one. Its going to be so fun! So review please and be nice and may be I might do a few cameos (sorry it that's spelled wrong!) Sorry if you think this is short!             


	2. somebody didn't take the pill!

WoooHooo! I have received high praise from The Noble Platypus!! Go me!! *does happy dance* so far I have only got like 3 reviews but that's okay doing this spin off will get me back wash publicity! I hope. Any way…on to the Disclaimer! 

Disclaimer: I own almost nothing. But as Zyte pointed out I do own the name Beyonhilaritneyessica! Go me! But I must give credit for that to 3 very stupid girls and one cool singer. Beyoncé (the cool singer) and Hilary Duff, Britney Speers, and Jessica Simpson (3 stupid girls). Any way…on to the Story!...spin off…thing…

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        As soon as Platy was done screaming. She collapsed in to a quivering, convulsing pile of women turn elf. Elrond blinked and walked over. 

        "Beyonhilaritneyessica it's not that big of deal." He said as he bent down and touched her shoulder. Platy jumped up and screamed again.

        "Don't touch me!" She screamed before she sprinted off in the other direction. 

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        She wasn't sure how far she had run but she was pretty sure she wasn't going to get any where. She fell down out of breath, but not tiered. She looked up and what she saw almost made her puke. It was Rivendell, not only that, the counsel. She whimpered and every one turned around to look at her.     

        "Ah Beyonhilaritneyessica, nice of you to finally show up. Please take a seat." Platy sat there stunned for a moment then laughed like a maniac. She got up and walked over to the counsel. When she got to the middle of the circle of chairs and people she heard some one ask some one else what was so funny. She turned around to face them.

        "You think you're so smart don't you? Well I got news for you Celestina, I came up with this. I know all the loop holes. You can't pin me to this. Oh no you can't!" as she said this she walked around waving her hands. They were all looking at her like she had lost her mind. Which given that she had just been dropped down in Middle Earth as a Sue by her own creation, she wasn't probably more then a stone throws away from it. But then again we are talking about a Fanfic-er and that offends softens the blow of things like this. 

        "We'll Windbreaker I have a way out oh yes I do." She spun around grabbed a knife of the guy sitting behind her. 

        "Hey!" He gasped as he jumped up. 

        "Sorry, can I use this?" She asked right before she plunged it deep in to her heart.

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        "No, no, no, no, no! You can't do that!" Celestina cried in anger. Platy laughed manically.

        "Told ya. I came up with this. Did you really think I wouldn't get out of it? You'll have to do better than that. But then when I wrote you up, I made it so you would fail." Platy cried in triumph. "Besides how often do you get to say you successfully committed suicide?" She laughed as she walked around. Celestina glowered.

        "Oh, you are so going to get it this time. And this time you won't be able to kill your self. Let's see you get out of it that way. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" 

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        Platy woke up looking at a wooden ceiling and a genital rocking. Her eyes widened. She didn't need to now any more she knew where she was.

        "Oh no." She muttered very slowly. She slid off the bed she was on. This was a bad thing. No one had finished a POTC spin off yet. This would be hard but she could play it by ear and see how far she got. Besides this could be fun. And she had the perfect opening line. She bust open the doors to the rest of the ship.

        "Spring is the air, every time I turn around, the hills are alive with the sound of music." Platy went on singing lines from bad musicals tell she realized she was singing to a lot of really undead pirates.

        "I just though that singing lines from bad Disney musicals was fitting." She mumbled as she inched over to the edge of the ship. Just then a very important part of the movie stared. 

        "Barbosa, you dirty lire, you!" yelled Will.

        "Don't dare in prude me honor boy!" Thundered Barbosa.

        "You swore they'd go free." Spat Will. Platy couldn't hold back she had to get in on this. 

        She pushed through some of the pirates to where the fight was going on.

        "If I may interrupt here. Hi, how you doing." She said as she stuck out her hand to shack Wills hand then Barbosa. "I would like to point out that I don't have a major part in this and I really, really would like to get my share of hits in on Elizabeth." They blinked at her. She blinked back. 

        "Hi." She said with a wave.

        "Jessa, go back to bed. You're not saposta be up in your condition." Will said in very OOC voice and wording. 

        "What condition?" She asked tilting her head, knowing she wasn't going to like the answer. 

        "Don't be silly, you know." He said in an even more OOC way. She shook her head vigorously.

        "You're with child." Will replied. Platy blinked.

        "Oh crap!" 

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Platy please pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaassse don't kill me!...On to the reviews!

Platy: I love you so much! Thanks so much for the review, it was so nice.

Zyte: Yah that is a mouth full and if you look at the disclaimer I clam the name. A Sue would have a name like that XP

Meg: Yah it's funny but you haven't seen Platys yet.


	3. fire side chat

*Dream Cast, sitting beside a fire place*

        "My fellow Americans, Canadians, and those of you across the pond, I have been told I have made a typo, that some say "…that is SO going down in history as one of the best typos of all time" yes it funny but I hope you all know I meant Gentle, but I spelled it wrong and Microsoft Word put Genital before Gentle on the Spell Check, and I don't check when I was done, I'm going to leave it Genital just because it's funny. I would also like to point out a bet of history here too. I am sitting by a fire place doing a Fire side chat. Just like some famous president from along time ago. So tell I get the next chapter done, or some thing. Bye!    


	4. Cliffy!

Hey every body! So how did you like Platy being pregnant? She didn't like it but I thought it was a nice little twist so far. But who's is it, You are just going to have to read and fid out. On to the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: (notice how they always come under each other) I own almost nothing. *cries* 

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"What the heck! What do you mean I'm pregnant! I'm on the Pill! Besides how the heck am I going to explain this to my boy friend "Honey I love you but I'm pregnant with a fictional characters baby!" That's just honky dory!" Platy stopped yelling to get a breath. They were al staring at her. She glared at them. 

        "Well this is fine and all but I need be to be walking ya'll off this here plank, ya'll." Barbosa said in the Mary Sue OOC fashion. Platy glared at him.

        "What are you, Clay Akin or some thing?" Platy spat at him trying to see how far she could push him, hopefully it was far enough to get her killed.

        "Jessa, is your short term memory lose acting up again?" Will asked with one of the three faces of concern he possessed. He touched her shoulder.

        "Don't you forking touch me, this is your fault in the first place!" She yelled in his face, pointing to her stomach. A look of disgust came over Wills face.

        "Eeeeeewwwww," Will crinkled is nose, "that's really icky, Jessa, your me sister." Will said in a little boy's voice. Platy sighed. Than god it wasn't Wills, but that would mean that…. Just them two nasty looking pirates came up on deck, leading/ dragging jack up by the arms. When he saw Platy he almost screamed.

        "No, No any thing but her, the woman 'ell kill me! Kill me!" He struggled to get lose from the two pirates. Platy laughed manically again. 

        "You're telling me, that I fucked Jack Sparrow, AND I WASN'T EVEN THERE! THAT IS EVIL!" She hollered at the top of her lungs. She calmed down, and again they were all staring at her. She crossed her arms, "Take a picture it'll last longer." Then again two pirates came in half leading half draggling a screaming Elizabeth on to the deck. 

        "Okay now that we're all here, let us begin with the walking of the plank." Said the evil undead pirate.

        "You swore they'd go free!" Yelled Will again.

        "You said that before." Chimed in Platy. Will glared at her.

        "I did, but it was you who failed to specify when or where." Crackled Barbosa. Platy raised her hand.

        " I have a question! Do I have to walk the plank, I mean I am pregnant?" Platy asked. Barbosa chuckled again.

        "Why of course my pretty, and your little baby to!" He then broke in to a Wicked Witch of the West cackle. Platy blinked. "It would be just unethical to drain a woman with child of her blood." Barbosa explained.

        "Oh but its okay to strand her on a spit of an island isn't it." Jack added in. Platy giggled, she would fallow POTC tradition. She walked up to Jack and smacked him right across the face.

        "I did so not deserve that." Jack said to the one of the pirate holding him. Platy was out raged.

        "What! Jack would so not say "so not"! He's saposta say "Don't think I deserved that!" It's part of his awesomeness." She said in a sort of a hiss whisper tone. Again they were all staring at her again, _I swear their like puppets, they don't do any thing!_ She though.

        "Any way… on to the Walking of the Plank!"

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        "Well this is great, just wonderful. I'm stuck on a island with Elizabeth, and Jack, and the weird voices in my head…this could work." Platy said as she sat on the beach next to Elizabeth. 

        "Well  's no par'y 'or me either, the man 'at I love is about to be killed and we can do 's get drunk." Elizabeth said in a slurred voice as she took another swig of rum. 

        "Ya know, Elizabeth, for a snooty rich girl, when your drunk, you're okay." Platy said as she brought the bottle to her lips. Jack sat crying by Elizabeth. 

        "My shippppp!" Jack welled. Platy and Elizabeth looked over at Jack.   Seeing him cry was sad. 

        "I'm going for a walk." Platy announced as she got up, "Elizabeth try to cheer Jack up." 

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        "Here I am…lying on a beach…not yet drunk… talking to my self…being a Sue…betrayed by own creation…" Platy said as she chugged down the rest of the rum. Just then there was a bunch of shinny, wiggly lights, and a figure appeared before her.

        "God? Is that you?" Platy asked as she propped her self up with her elbow.

        "No, Platy, its Randi." The glowy figure said. 

        "Ohhhhhhhh… so… how are you here any way?" Platy asked 

        "Your hallucinating, Platy." Randi said.

        "Oh, that makes since. So why are you here any way? Are you my guardian angel?" Platy asked upended mouthed. Randi sighed.

        "No I am not your guardian angel. I'm here to help you. So far you've managed to kill your self, grouse out Will, and slap Jack, your doing good so far but I figured you could use some help." The hallucination said. 

        "Ohhhhhhhh…Am I really pregnant?" Platy asked as she stood up. 

        "No, Celestina doesn't have that kind of power to make a life. Now what I am about to say is very important, you must not, ever, never, ever eat the sushi." Randi used extravagant hand gestures to get her point about the horrors of eating sushi. 

        "What does that have to do with getting out of here?" Platy asked with a blank expression on her face. 

        "Huh? Oh wrong hallucinogenic warning, just a minute, um…" Glittery Randi stared rambling off different lines that people used in hallucinations. Tell finally she remembered.

        "You must find the inner pain in Celestina, then in her weak moment you must…" Just then Platy blacked out when the rum finally got to her.                                           

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Platy woke up as the sun came up.

        "Typical, right as the glittery fairy was about to tell me the meaning of life I black out, or maybe that was Cinderella...or some thing… but that happens in any thing with hallucination." Platy said as she pushed her self up. 

        "Jessa! Jessa! Wake up I need your help!" Platy rolled over to see Elizabeth running over to her. She was probably going to burn the rum and get off the island.  

        "Elizabeth, I have a question, why am I pregnant? I mean how did I meet Jack and stuff." Elizabeth stared at her " Um… my short term memory is acting up." Platy said

        " Okay, see when you and will came over from England and we saved you, you couldn't get a job and you wouldn't go to collage and you wouldn't get married, so you moved to Tortuga and became a hooker, about two months ago, you meet Jack and sleep with him, you then became pregnant and came to Port Royal to live with your brother Will. Then when Will and Jack came to rescue me you said if you didn't get to go you would kill your self and your unborn baby." Elizabeth finished with a gasp from talking to fast. Platy considered the explanation Elizabeth had given her, it was what you expect a Mary Sue to have goon through. She stood up.

        "Come one, lets go burn some rum." She said. Elizabeth tiled her head in confusion. "That is what you wanted help with right?" Elizabeth shook her head.

        "No, I wanted help to bury a body."

        "WHAT!"

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Dun, dun, dun… Who is dead? Review and read the next chapter to find out.                   


	5. The head can live 5 to 7 seconds longer ...

'Ello all! Did you miss me? I know you did. Okay maybe not but I know you missed the story, at least. Okay so, so far Platy has killed her self, sang show tunes to a ship full of undead pirates, and slapped Jack. I don't know about you but I think that's pretty good so far. Lets see what we can mix up today shall we? On to the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing. 

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Platy jumped up.

        "WHAT THE FORK DID YOU DO?" Platy bellowed at Elizabeth. 

        "I didn't do anything, so don't even begin to accuse me of any thing." Elizabeth said exaggerating on a most of the words and crossed her arms over her chest. 

        "Well you had to have done something! People don't just walk up to you and say "Hey, help me bury a dead body." She yelled back. Elizabeth blinked then burst out laughing. "I don't see what's so funny here." Platy said.

        "I didn't mean a dead body, silly! I was going to bury Jack in the sand and make him look like a mermaid!" Elizabeth said in a high giggly voice. Platy blinked, and then slapped the girl. Elizabeth stood there in what must have been shock of having some one slap her, and then slapped her back. Platy gauged at her, then pushed her. Elizabeth pushed back, harder then Platy expected and stumbled back a few feet. So Platy pushed Elizabeth harder, at which Elizabeth pulled on Platy's hair. 

        "Oh, you bich!" Platy yelled right before a full fledged cat fight brook out.       

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"So what have we learned?" Jack asked with his hands on his hips as two pouting girls stood looking at their feet in the sand.

"That sushi is a BAD thing." The two girls said in unison. Jack slapped his hand to his face then let it fall. Then mumbled,

"Close enough." Then walked off. Platy and Elizabeth stared at each other for a minute then Platy got up and walked over to the palm trees. 

"Como on, lets burn this place to the ground." 

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        "But why's the rum gone?" Jack asked for what must have been the hundredth time. 

        "Oh shut up Jack." Snapped Platy as she dug her toes in to the sand. Elizabeth started squealing.

        "Looky! A ship!" as she danced around in the sand. Platy laid back in the sand with her hands over her face. 

        "God, if you are truly just, you will kill me, kill me now." She waited for a moment to find her self still alive then added

        "Or later is fine to."        

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*one hour later* 

Elizabeth had just finished her "for a wedding gift" scene. Mean while Platy was entertaining her self by swing around on the ropes of the ship singing.

        "Aaaaa sunat suan a squashed banana, a wing a ding a ding, aaaaa sunat suan a squashed banana, a wing a ding a dong!" She let go of one rope grabbed the one a few feet away and spun around it. Then Norrington came over, looked at her like she was crazy, (and at this point she probably was.) and asked

        "What does that mean any way?" Platy stopped swing around the rope, then loped her leg around it and bent over backwards. 

        "It means you are a baboon, and I am not." She said then went back to swing around the rope.

        "Aaaa sunat suan a squashed banana, a wing a ding a dong!" She finished extra loud, a let go of the rope for the next, missed and fell in the water. 

        "Man over board!" Some one yelled form the ship. _This is good I can drown! WooHoo!_ She breathed in the water, and waited for the stinging sensation of drowning or some thing but she didn't even fell anything. She breathed out, then in, then out, then in. _Oh goody I can breathe under water. That's just peachy. _She thought sarcastically to her self. She looked down in the water and saw a shark swimming around the ship. She smiled to her self. She swam down lower to the shark and it swam away a little. "_If you want it to bite you, Platy, you need to be bleeding." _Said a voice in her head. _"Bite your cheek or something!" _ Platy had learned that when the voices talk to you, you should listen to them. So she bit down on the inside of her cheek and the taste of her own blood felled her mouth. She shark locked on to her sent and, guide by luck, God, or the power of fanfic, bite off Platy's head. For the 5 to 7 seconds that a head lives longer the body went like this. __

_        "So this is what it's like in a shark, it's very inters"…_

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        You just had to get killed didn't you!" Celestina cried out as Platy sat cross legged on the floor laughing. "We'll your own idea is going to be my inspiration for this next one!" She cackled madly and with a *poof* Platy was gone.  

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Platy sighed in her sleep, and then snuggled down deeper in to the blankets she was wrapped in. Here eyes popped open. _This isn't right. _She thought. She tossed the blankets off the bed and jumped out. She was in a room with four four-poster beds and an assortment of odd things. Platy's breath quickened again and her eyes watered. She was at Hogwarts.

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        Platy had to pinch her self so she wouldn't scream. She turned to the mirror and gasped in shock. She did so not look like her normal 20 year old self. She looked like she was 14 again. She heard a slight giggle form behind her. She spun around to face Celestina. 

        "You bich! You sent me to the worst one yet!" Platy almost yelled at her. One the girls in the beds turned over in her bed. 

        "Oh, now, now, Platy my dear. It's not that bad. You get to be dear Harry Potters long lost cousin, and hook up with Oliver Wood." Celestina said in a soft voice that sounded just so coy. Platy let her words sink in for a minute and then her eyes widened. _I came up with that! That bitch is using my own ideas against me! _Celestina crackled then with a *poof* she vanished. 

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        Platy stood opened mouthed for a minute then heard a wimpier from some where. 

        "Oh, Platy I am so sorry… don't hold this against me…" Said the weird voice. Platy looked around the room.

        "Who's there?" She asked.

        "Um… you're hallucinating again…" The voice said.

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Well, I must admit I didn't think I could pull off that "some ones dead" trick but I did. It wasn't as good as I would have liked but the dropping Platy down in Harry Potter story was the pretty good. But what ever. I would like to thank those people that have taken the time to review. Thanks! You really made me feel better!

               

                    


	6. Crossover from HELL!

**READ THE NOTE!!!!**

Okay so this isn't a real chapter, sorry, I just wanted to clear some stuff up. The last two chapters sucked. It was not my best work, at lest for this fic. So I'm going to delete them and try to forget they ever existed. Lately I've been working on a story I have posted on So far that one has been going good. And so, seeing as how I have to have some form of a story with this author's note I present to you this scary piece of fiction.

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**The cross over from HELL**

        It was a perfectly fine day in Mirkwood as far as the Elves were concerned. The birds were chirping…

        "Chirp, chirp" The Birds

        The little furry woodland creatures were…doing what ever little furry woodland creatures do…

        "We're doing whatever we little furry woodland creatures do." The Little Furry Woodland Creatures.

        And even the giant creep spiders that live in the forest were being good for once...

        "We're being good for once." The Giant Creep Spiders That Live in the Forest.

        Until…out of no where a girl with a wooden stack showed up. Who was this girl? IT WAS BUFFY THE VAMIPER SLAYER!!!!

        The girl ran through the woods killing every thing in site with the wooden stack. She killed the birds and the little furry woodland creatures and the giant creep spiders that live in the forest. Soon all the animals were dead and the streams that ran through the forest ran red with blood.

        Soon the streams of blood reached the Elves. Well seeing that the streams were red with blood, they sent out their most bravest and deadly elf warriors. The elf warriors searched the entire forest looking for what ever had killed the birds and the little furry woodland creatures and the giant creepy spiders that live in the forest. Soon they found the girl who had killed every thing laying on the ground sleeping. As the came closer they noticed that she was foaming at the mouth. One gently taped her with his foot to wake her. At once the girl jumped up and growled at them and ran off. And that was the last any one ever saw of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! It is assumed that she died of rabies.

The end!

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or LOTR.

No birds or little furry woodland creatures were hurt in the making of this fic…we can't say the same for the giant creepy spiders that live in the forest.

See told you it was scary.


End file.
